Many of you will be familiar with Hal and Sidra Stone’s process for ‘growing’ or inducting a new self (one that has never been present in that person) as distinct from the more usual re-
It’s hard to describe the incredible joy and the sense of protection that Little John is feeling inside me with his new inner Mum. She is so aware, so caring, and so non-
My new inner Dad is also very different from my actual father. My inner dad has a deep spiritual strength, he is open-
NOTE: Those of you who have read my book "Growing Awareness" (or browsed through my website) will be familiar with a term I often use namely the "aware adult" which I identified there as being different from the aware ego and also different from ordinary inner selves. I can now see that what I described as the ‘aware adult state’ is almost identical to the energy I feel coming from my two new Inner parents. And, yes, they do have a great deal of awareness and lots of grown up energy. "We can’t be sure about the aware grown up either, let’s have another look at it." I hear my inner Dad telling me and that feels so calming.
My new inner Dad and Mum are often at their strongest when they are protecting little John from inner selves like the knower and judge, the inner critic, inner matriarch and patriarch, whether they are in me and in others. And since the they were the same selves who got me into most of the strife in my life, it’s wonderful having some protection from them at last.
For example, my own inner matriarch has a nasty habit of taking a critical remark or judgement by someone else, amplifying it, then telling little John, "They’re right you know, you deserved that criticism!" Can you imagine after all these years, now having two more aware and much stronger selves who, today, tell her, "Back off and leave the kid alone while we deal with the reality!" Maybe I did make a mistake, but I’ll fix it faster and better with my new inner parents beside me instead of my inner critic and my matriarch (who I notice both happen to sound very much like my original internalised mum and dad).
The way a Voice dialogue facilitator helps induct each new inner mother or father is very individual. If I tell you about my own experience it will give you some idea. I can’t tell you about the way I have facilitated other people’s new parent selves because that would breach confidentiality. But I can tell you that the results for others have been positive and powerful in every case. I have been inducting new inner mothers and fathers with great success for the past six months, even over the phone and with clients in the USA and UK (on one occasion by cellular phone). I can also tell you that the process is not particularly hard to learn provided you have had some training as a Voice dialogue facilitator and I would be happy to discuss it with any facilitator who is interested in learning more about it.
One point I will stress, however, is that it is essential to do separate inductions, one each for the Inner Mother and Inner Father. For many years I had been inducting a self I called the ‘Aware Inner Parent". It was a useful self but it never really seemed to get fully energised. Then I tried inducting the ‘Aware Adult’. It still didn’t seem to make much of a change.
Now I understand why. The energy of the new inner mother self is totally different to that of the inner father self. The way they work is very different. They can cooperate as a two-
For example (and remember that in each person these characteristics may differ, so try not to generalise) the inner mother’s energy is often softer, kinder, and warmer. My inner Mum is extremely unconditional. She gives Little John messages about being special, lovable, good enough and worthwhile, regardless of what he does. She is always ready to nurture and support Little John when he is feeling vulnerable but she asks nothing in return.
My inner father, on the other hand is fair, but firm, he sets limits (using boundaries and moderation) about the things that Little John should or should not do to avoid impacting others. He encourages experimenting and exploring, yet he is conditional (even judgemental) when it comes to saying "No" to others about what they do that could affect Little John’s vulnerability. Even then he tries to avoid intensity.
Attempting to combine those very different energies into one ‘inner parent’ or ‘aware adult’, as I used to do, neutralises their effect. The Mum side finds difficult to be unconditional enough in her loving, the Dad side can’t set strong enough boundaries and limits.
The other thing I suggest to my clients is that they notice the significant differences between ordinary selves and the more grown-
Here is what I have come up with that seems to distinguish inner parent selves in some ways energetically from the ordinary kind of selves.
Connecting, linking and communicating
With two inner parents in place, you find it easier to share all this new understanding and awareness with other people (provided they are trustworthy). With only your inner selves looking after your un-
Click these two links for the story of the actual step by step induction ceremony that helped me
to induct my own new
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