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Are you repeatedly experiencing the same kind of external and seriously negative energy aimed at you by different people, even under very different circumstances?

 

Examples:

• Repeatedly being scammed, or losing money through fraud
• Repeatedly being burgled or having money and other items stolen
• Repeatedly getting involved in partnerships or joint activities with other people that fail or result in serious financial losses
• Repeatedly suffering physical, mental or sexual or other kinds of abuse
• Repeatedly being persuaded to become involved in risky or offbeat sexual activities
• Repeatedly being persuaded  or pressured to take part in illegal, dangerous or immoral activities
• Repeatedly feeling trapped or enmeshed by external forces, unable to get away from them even though you want to
• Feeling as if I  am some kind of magnet that keeps attracting  the same ( wrong)  kind of people into my life over and over again
• Finding yourself in a position again and again where other people tell you “there is nothing you can do about this!”
• Repeatedly being blamed by other people for things that have gone wrong for them (when you know that these accusations are untrue and the people trying to lay the blame on you can offer no evidence to support their claims) This was part of my own RSDP pattern  as I explain below
• Repeatedly being accused by other people of lying or cheating (when you know that these accusations are untrue and the accusers offer no evidence to support their claims)
• Repeatedly being accused of immoral or illegal activities (when you know that these accusations are untrue and the accusers offer no evidence to support their claims)
• Permitting other people to control you to the point where (even if it means going against your own moral, ethical or spiritual values) you often do whatever they tell you to do
• Regularly having to deal with rage; abuse; violence or similar over-dramatic and inappropriate responses from other people when they do not get their own way with you.
•  Repeatedly ............... (external  negative energy directed towards  you by others) ...................
• Repeatedly ............... (other externally driven negative patterns) ...................

 

This is not a complete list. Repeated patterns can be totally unique for each of us who suffer from RSDP.

 

To a child experiencing these kinds of traumatic events it probably really is external forces at work, nasty people who are doing these destructive things to them. But when we grow up, if  the same things keep happening to us again and again, it can’t  just  be "bad luck" or "the universe" deciding to pick on us one more time just to make sure  we have a particularly unpleasant ride through life.

Even if it was bad luck (or a particularly ill-minded universe) at least we could have expected a bit of variety in the negative outcomes. Surely sometimes there could have been some diversification in the way things went wrong for us?

Instead, do these repeated and unpleasant events seem to follow an all too familiar pattern?

That raises the question, is there something inside us that also makes it hard to escape the pattern?

 

Start looking for something inside you.

In my own case  my repeated pattern was getting myself blamed by other people for things that went wrong in their lives, yet these were things I could not have done or were entirely outside my control. This had been happening over and over, all my life. Once I had identified this as my own RSDP and  started to look for something inside me I suddenly realised that a significant feature which I had never noticed before which was common to most of the people who had been blaming me for the things that went wrong in their life.

They all had a history of an extremely traumatic and abusive childhood!!   Just as I had!. Ah Ha!

 

The big red flashing neon sign

Until I could see this, I was stuck in my RSDP trance.  And people kept on blaming me for their problems. I now realise that I was helping attract these people to me and inviting them to  help me repeat my  pattern.

 

It was almost as if I had placed a big red flashing neon sign over my head inviting people to blame me for things I had not said or done, to help me  once again experience the same unfair blame as I had in the past ..... going all the way back to my childhood!

 

I don't think that was because the accusers were determined to treat me unfairly. Some might have been, but I can imagine that the majority were somehow drawn into treating me as an easy target for their blame. I even wonder whether they might have got themselves into their own RSDP pattern to compliment mine? While we were both stuck in our  RSDP trances neither of us knew how to respond in a more functional way.

Each time I started defending myself and proving them wrong (I was usually able to do this quite easily) but that meant they then had to start defending themselves. I got blamed for that too.  I can even imagine their unconscious reaction “But you invited me to do it!” and  so the pattern continued.

 

How my self induced trance state kept me enmeshed

Slowly, with the help of some extremely good voice dialogue and self-awareness therapists here in Australia I began to understand that each time somebody repeated these abusive blaming patterns with me, I  was automatically hooked straight back into my self induced trance ....... That trance blocked my understanding of what was really going on because it also threw me back into my own childhood trauma.

Looking back on my childhood I now remember that this was very much what it was like almost every day of my life as a child, being blamed for things that went wrong in the family, things that I could not possibly have been responsible for. As an adult, I was not only remembering, I was also  re-enacting my childhood abuse. And once I was in that place again my behaviour was again in many ways like that of an abused child, not a grown-up man.

 

Shooting myself in the foot

Let me explain a bit further.

Because I was in a self-induced trance I couldn't deal with the blaming as a grown up should by ignoring it or quietly rejecting it and letting it go. Instead I was looped back into my own particular response pattern, which was to over-defend my position using powerful logic, My voice was not  loud but my non-verbal signals were at maximum volume. My words were calm and very logical delivered with a mask of cold very controlled emotion while I argued my innocence, point by point.

Meanwhile what you think my non-verbal body language was saying?

Of course, it is screaming at them "You’re blaming me for something I could not possibly have done!  It's not fair and I am very angry!"

(As a child I would probably not have survived if I had dared allow my rage-a-holic father to see my hidden anger)

Something goes badly wrong when people get mixed messages like this, where the body language saying one thing (aggressively defending my position) while my words saying the opposite (I am calm and logical). People get very uncomfortable and don't trust the person, their words or their body language.

So all my attempts to sort things out by developing a logical level of understanding went nowhere. I shot myself in the foot, and that helped me stay enmeshed in my RSDP pattern one more time.

Looking back today I can now see why so many times I failed to get fair or just treatment even from people who knew I had been unfairly blamed. Shooting yourself in the foot works like that.

The next thing was learning to accept and appreciate that there was absolutely nothing I could do to change my childhood, nor help the accusers with theirs.

 

Want to know something funny?

Since I became aware of my own darker side  RSDP and named it, those regular attacks from other people blaming me for their problems have just dwindled away. That can only mean one thing, it means I have stopped attracting them into my life.

The odd occasions  where somebody attempts a bit of the old blaming stuff (maybe they just want to see of my old pattern is still working)  are just non-events.

What’s even better is that  these days I can treat it all light-heartedly. I don’t get hooked back into my trance. Once you can laugh about your own RSDP you have it licked.  But I do check to see whether that great big neon sign over my head is slowly coming back on.  Then I laugh and switch it off again!

 

When you are in the trance you can’t see it.

When you can see the trance you are not  in it

When you can see and name the trance it’s not inside you

Turn the old neon sign  OFF

Once you can laugh about your RSDP you have it licked.

 

NOTE: If the suggested methods for reducing RSDP are not working it is time to get professional help.

 

Contact me John Bligh Nutting  if you need  help

 

 

 

 

Are you repeatedly experiencing the same kind of external negative energy, aimed at you by different people?

 

The Darker side of self defeating, self-destructive behaviour (RSDP)

When you are in the trance you can’t see it.

When you can see the trance you are not in it

When you can see and name the trance it’s not inside you

 

It’s hard to accept that we could be setting up or actually attracting cruel, vicious, illegal or criminal attacks from other people.  That’s why it ‘s called the darker side.

Yet, if this same kind of negative energy keeps recurring in our life, in different circumstances again and again over a long period then perhaps it is time  to acknowledge that something we are doing must in some way be helping to recreate this.  It cannot be just bad luck, or just external forces. There has to be something inside us as well that encourages or invites people to treat us this way.

For a general explanation of RSDP ( a regularly repeated pattern of self defeating or self-destructive behaviour.) you might ike to go back to the main RSDP page .

 

 

It was almost as if I had placed a big red flashing neon sign over my head inviting people to treat me that way, to help me  once again experience the same problems as I had in the past ..... going all the way back to my childhood!