Notes for Facilitators

Free Facilitators Interview Guide

Like to try doing Voice dialogue yourself. All you need is a quiet space and two people.

1. An interviewee or client

2. Interviewer or facilitator or coach

If you have reached this page without reading Voice Dialogue explained, Try Voice dialogue for yourself and How to Start pages do please go back to them now. These explain why and how Voice Dialogue works which you need to understand before you start doing it.

Then you will be ready to use a very useful “script” which helps an inexperienced facilitator interviewing for the first few times. Soon you will become aware just how easy it really is to talk naturally with someone else’s inner selves and then you can forget the script.

Instead of posting the script here as I did in the past I can now send it to you as a free pdf.

The questions below are very powerful. Use them with care.

Each one helps strengthen an individual inner self’s sense of character and of being real. They also help the interviewee to become more self aware.)

If … (interviewee) .... were to feel you somewhere in her/his body, where might that be? (body awareness also helps the interviewee to become more aware of that particular inner self)

I notice that your vocal cords are working really well today. How does that feel? (enhancing body awareness, encouraging the self to continue talking and to come back and talk again)

‘If … (interviewee) ... wanted to talk to me about you, what name would you like him/her to use to identify you.’ (Inviting the Self to tell you how it would like to be named.)

Alternate question

‘How would you describe the particular job you do for … (interviewee) ... ? Do you have a job description or a list of duties and responsibilities?’ (enhancing the self’s sense of character)

Do you wear any special clothing or a uniform that goes with your name? (enhancing the self’s sense of character)

Just sitting there now, as we talk, what age do you feel you are? (NOT how old?)

Can you remember the first time in his/her life, when you knew you were there helping protect … (interviewee) ...? (establishing the self’s history)

If you weren’t here for a while or you lost your ability to look after … (interviewee) ... , what might happen to her/him? (identifying underlying vulnerability)

Would you like to offer … (interviewee) ... a few words of helpful advice?

If ‘yes’ encourage the inner self to talk to the (empty) safe chair at this point,

‘… (interviewee) ... is over there and ready to listen to you.

I think… (interviewee) ... might be hoping you can help them on this issue.

If … (interviewee) ... could benefit/learn from your advice, what can you suggest to her/him now?’

Imagine you can do something very energetic or physical right now and that it is quite OK to act in that particular way. What do you feel like doing? (If appropriate, and ONLY if safe for everyone in the room you might suggest the inner self does it now)

Expect the unexpected and the unique

n In Voice Dialogue expect nothing to happen the way you think it will.

n Pay more attention to the non-verbal signals than what a self is saying. Often the self you are talking to is not the self it says it is and what it is describing may not be exactly what is happening. Don't put too much emphasis on words the self uses. Tune in more to the energy.

n Many selves are not at all certain about things. Share their uncertainty. Dialogue is what allows you, the client and that self to discover what is really going on.

n Expect each self you meet to be unique. Self ‘x’ in this client will not be the ‘same as’ self ‘x’ in another person. The more you facilitate its special uniqueness the better the session.

n Expect each inner self to be a specialist - all selves are ‘protectors’ but there are no all-rounders or combinations so if one self tells you “I am THE Protector self” try to dig a bit deeper.

n Recognise each self you talk to as a unique individual. Take care with any self that tells you ‘I am the same self as .....” Similarities between self ‘a’ and self ‘b’ in the same person do not mean it is the same self. ..... Similarities between self ‘a’ and self ‘b’ in two different people definitely mean it is not the same self. .....

Specific Don’ts for all Facilitators

1. Do not aim for or expect any specific outcome or result at any time from the start to the end of the session. If what you expected does not happen, it usually turns out to be a far more valuable session for both the interviewee and for you too.

2. Detach yourself as the interviewer from any of your own personal aims or desired outcomes. Keep your own needs off the agenda including your desire to achieve a good result, to impress or even to “look good” as the interviewer. (see point 8)

3. If one of the interviewee’s inner selves wants to talk about “you” it’s OK but when replying to that character, refer to yourself as a third person. In this example, Glen is the interviewer.

Self says:

“I don’t like the way you (that is Glen) talked to us at breakfast this morning.”

Interviewer (Glen):

“What is it about the way that Glen spoke to you then that you didn’t like?”

If working with a friend or partner be particularly careful to do this every time.

4. If one of the interviewee’s inner selves appears to be ‘talking with’ one of your own inner selves (whether it’s a nice chat or a full-on argument) that just means you have stopped dialoguing. Finish the talk, have a break, then decide if you need to start again.

5. Do not order an inner self around. Rather than ‘Move over to that chair!’ invite the self to do something. Ask ‘Would you like to choose a chair (or a spot in the room) anywhere you think that character would feel comfortable while it is talking?’ (Lots of selves like to stand, some will sit or lie on the floor)

6. Don’t ask a self or character a specific or direct ‘why’ unless you intentionally wish to talk to the analytical mind self or you intentionally want to block an emotion in the interviewee that is not appropriate in the present situation.

7. Don’t get involved in making judgements with any one self about other inner selves. Don’t debate with a character or get involved if one criticises you as interviewer. Acknowledge its point of view, let it go at that.

8. Unless you have had professional training and experience working with any specific or diagnosable condition (and your professional liability insurance is up-to-date) do NOT attempt to use this interviewing (dialogue) process either as a treatment or as a form of therapy for such conditions. See full explanation and warning When Not to Use Voice Dialogue

It’s OK to dialogue with a painful body part as long as this is only to help the person create awareness of a possible reason behind the pain. Dialogue can help people identify what might be causing a body sensation, or a lack of sensation or problems like difficulty sleeping but after that the client must make any changes themselves.

Never use Voice Dialogue in an attempt to present yourself as a “healer”. Do not use the process to try to create healing in yourself or other people
(See point 2)

The Facilitators Guide and working script has now grown to the stage where it is several pages in length with diagrams and illustrations as well as words.

So if you would like me to send you the latest version absolutely free, please e-mail me by clicking here Free Facilitator’s Guide Sheets.

If you are concerned about clicking anything then just e-mail me using this address

The old version below is not as complete but it will give you and idea of what the guide and script looks like so I will leave it here for a while.

Dialogue = understanding = growing awareness = growing self empowerment+self healing

1. Starting the Session

1.1 Interviewer and interviewee agree on which chair will be the ‘aware or safe chair’ (usually the middle one)

If necessary talk to the Guardian or Gate-keeper to reassure the interviewee

1.2 Before starting to dialogue remind interviewee that when speaking from the position of a ‘Self’ or a Protector Character’ they should "try to talk as if the client is a third person and to use the word ‘I’ to enhance this feeling of talking as a self and the separation between the inner self and the client. For example “I am .… client’s name ....’s Pusher Self. I help .… her or him or client’s name ....get out of bed and go to work every day.”

Before dialoguing open with casual conversation about what is happening in the interviewee’s life. Try to focus the interviewee’s attention on one issue on which there is an obvious level of douibt or indecision, for example:

"This decision you’re facing It sounds as though you are unsure about which choice to make?"

"So you feel you are under pressure about this issue and how it could affect your future?"

then ......

1.3 Preparing to separate the inner self from the client or interviewee.

"Would you like to choose a chair where we could talk about things from that particular Inner Self’s point of view?’

Other more general openings.....

"Are you … client’s name ...under pressure about any significant issues affecting your life?"

"Are you … client’s name ...aware of any particularly strong emotions you are feeling at the moment?

"Are you … client’s name ...feeling any strong physical sensations in some specific place in your body?

"Are you … client’s name ...feeling drawn to one particular chair or to the left or right?"

‘It might be interesting to talk to the part of you … client’s name ...that you are describing, the part that seems to be protecting you by doing ..... ... describe what the inner self was saying it did to help .........’

1.5 Watch for the ‘Self shift’ a change in tone of voice, body language or facial expression. This is the best indication that an inner self is already present and waiting to talk with you.

1.6 Preparing for Separation

Don’t delay. Invite the (as yet un-named) inner self to:

‘.............choose a chair or place where you think you (the inner self) would feel comfortable talking about this.’

This is the energetic separation stage, an essential part of voice dialogue.

2. Separating the inner self from the client

Alternatively if you don’t see the self shift you can still suggest .

"Would you like to choose another chair where we could talk about this from one particular Inner Self’s point of view?’

Do not be surprised. Almost always, when the client moves to another chair an inner self will be there waitng to talk.

It doesn’t matter to which chair or which side the client moves to but you do need to encourage the person to shift either to the left or the right and so vacate the Safe Chair position. This separation stage, is an essential srep in voice dialogue. You can tell if you don’t get any separation because the client will still be talking as “I the client”. If this should happen just get them to move back to the middle chair and go back to steps 1.2 and 1.3 again.

3. After the client has moved and has separated into one of her or his inner selves and you are talking to that inner self (not to the client)

3.1 For a start just say “Hello” as you would to anyone who had just come into the room. 3.2 Listen.... The inner self may immediately begin to talk to you.

3.3 Continue the conversation you were having when the self shift occured

3.4 If you feel you have lost that earlier connection all you need to do is enquire tentatively to find out what kind of Inner self or what energy is actually there in the side chair.

"Can you help me by describing what you do to help protect .… (client’s name) .....?"

"Can you explain a bit about how you help .… (client’s name) .....?"

“Could you tell me a bit more about what you say to .… (client’s name) .....”

Ask for help, ‘I wonder if you could help me understand the way you ....’

“It would be a help for me if you could you explain a bit more about the way you .....”

Important: It does not matter if the self that is now sitting in the side chair is obviously not the one you expected or ‘thought’ you were talking to. This is actually a sign that the voice dialogue process is going really well and you are working sucessfully in your role as a facilitator by allowing this. Being too sure that you know in advance which self is going to talk before it is present can discourage that self from appearing. Inner selves don’t like know-it-all facilitators.

From here on continue the conversation just as you would with someone you had just met for the first time.

3.5 Unless it is a shy inner self, it’s good as to include lots of general enquiries. However avoid specific or detailed questions. Avoid asking any inner self "why". (See point 6 in the blue Facilitator Do’ and Don’ts box below for an explanation.)

If the inner self appears to be shy, fearful, unsure or just very young, be very careful about asking any questions at all. Just say things like:

‘It’s all right.’ You’re safe here.’ ‘I understand how you feel.’

3.6 Offer validation, support and affirmation of what the inner self tells you it is doing or has done.

3.7 Invite the inner self you are working with to help you.

I could be wrong but I have a feeling that you .......describe, in a positive way, what your intuition tells you this inner self might be doing to help or protect .......... interviewee ............. Can you help me.’

3.8 Be positive, show empathy and support for the inner inner self you are talking to.

3.9 Fit your mood to that of the Self you are working with.

3.10 If the inner self wants to take charge of the interview this is a good sign - if you are confident about this it is OK to let it have its head for a short time (and you will usually discover something very important.)

3.11 Before finishing dialogue with that Inner self:

‘Is there anything else you would like to say?’

‘Is there anything I have forgotten to ask you?’

‘Is there anything important you would like to say to ..... interviewee .....?’

4. Closing the dialogue with each Inner Self

Say a few words of thanks

‘I think I need to talk to ... interviewee ..... now. Is that OK?’ then motion with your hand towards the centre or Safe chair.

After interviewee has returned to middle chair you might briefly discuss or summarise what the interviewee saw heard and felt.

5. Level Two Voice Dialogue - talking to an opposite self on the opposite side

Level two Voice Dialogue involves following the first interview with a new discussion with another inner self that sits or stands on the opposite side. Ask the client (temporarily back in the middle chair) to now choose a chair on the opposite side and move there.

Go back to Point 3 and repeat the process.

6. Help the interviewee to separate and balance the two opposite inner selves (If you are working at Level 2)

6.1. After dialoguing with each of the two opposite selves return the client to the middle chair.

6.2 Check to see if client now has enough awareness as they sit in the middle chair to see him/herself as separate from both sides. Remind them "Each self is part of you, but neither one is all of you."

(If client is not ready for this postpone until a later session)

6.3 Show client how to balance opposite energies from aware adult position. Repeat several times.

7. Talk to some more inner selves

If the session is going well and you are feeling confident why not to talk to some more inner selves. There are plenty of them waiting. Go back to Point 3 and follow through to point 4 again. If you are balancing opposite selves repeat 4 ,5 and 6 again.

8. Closing the session with the interviewee

8.1. Make sure interviewee is back in the safe chair and relaxed

8.2 Re-integrating (remind the interviwee to draw all the inner selves back from the various chairs and return them back inside the client’s body again).

8.3 After interviewee has returned to middle chair discuss and then summarise what the interviewee saw heard and felt.

8.4 Invite the “Watcher” or “Observer” self to stand behind the client’s chair and do the summary. (Client separates again, moves behind the middle chair and becomes the watcher or observer self. “I saw .... I heard .... I observed the ........ self )

Free Inner self Profile Sheet

I have designed a two page Inner Self profile sheet that allows you to keep a record of the selves you meet and talk with. This helps you keep a record of the names of the selves as you talk with them. There are different places for different kinds of selves on the sheet according to their different energies or the different ways they do things to protect you.

If you would like a free copy of this sheet please send me an email. Click the link.