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How to  you process and validate Your past

1. Make sure you are working from an aware grown-up place. Self-awareness and Processing are both grown-ups work and can only work when you are in your grown-up self-aware place.

2. Make sure you have secured your inner child in a very safe place where they will not be involved at all in the processing. Make sure he or she understands that your grown-up part is doing this work for them and that they do not have to do any part of it or try to make it work.

3. Start by making a brief written record of your past history. If you would like a free copy of the Trauma History sheet I use please (click) e-mail me. This sheet is based on the same type of history sheet designed by Pia Mellody and used at The Meadows in Wickenberg Arizona and I acknowledge this on the sheet.

4. Processing involves working through the memories, coming to understand what might have been going on for your parents, teachers, religious figures, group leaders, counsellors, doctors, nurses, the people who abused you or subjected you to trauma that you should not have experienced.

This is not about forgiving them. It is about dealing with the reality about what these people really were like and how badly they too might have been abused in their childhood and how their own abuse history might have caused them to abuse you.

5. Why do this? Because deep down inside every traumatised or abused child is an unfortunate feeling of guilt or shame and a self-blame core belief that “somehow it was my fault” or “If I had been a better child it would not have happened to me.”  At the heart of processing is the removal of this guilt, shame and self-blame. To achieve that you don’t need to blame someone else but instead recognise that whatever happened was not caused by anything YOUR inner child did or said.

You will know when you are really getting into processing each experience when you can reinforce your grown-up reality by repeating to yourself (over and over)

 

6. Now it is time to talk to your inner child and to tell them the same thing.

 

Keep repeating these lines over and over to your inner child until you get a sense that he or she has settled down. You may even share a deep sigh of relief. That’s when you know you have processed that traumatic event.

Now you can start on the next one on your list.

 

This last step is the most important of all. You are validating your inner child’s reality because deep down inside all along they knew these things were true but as a child they weren’t allowed to have that reality.

Processing past trauma may take some time. You may need to go over the same event many times before the processing is finished.

 

Your Inner child should never be required to ‘forgive’ anyone for abusing them nor for things that were not  their fault and should not have happened.

Validation helps make this clear to your Inner Child.

However, once you have finished processing each event you can if you wish choose to forgive the person.

Just make sure you make it clear that the forgiveness is being given from a self-aware grown-up on behalf of your inner child.

 

Latest notes about the different kinds of damage that can result  from Repeated Childhood trauma  or  Developmental Trauma Dosorder (DTD)

Processing Your Past and Validating your inner child’s Reality

Healing and recovery from past trauma and abuse can only work if it involves three essential steps, first ‘self-awareness’  followed by  ‘processing’ and ‘validating’.

Processing involves working through past history in a special way. It’s not just about remembering and it certainly isn’t about getting worked up or angry about what people have done to you in the past. It is also not about simply forgiving those people without processing first.

 

Growing your Self-awareness, Processing and Validating are all grown-up’s work. You will know when you are achieving your aim of becoming more of a  self-aware grown-up when you can take these steps.